Chicken of the Sea!

I've said it once, I'll say it again. Jessica is not the first celebrity that wondered if Starkist had dead chicken in the can. Let me tell you a story that has rarely been told my children. Back during the depression there was an old silent film star named Patricia Albacora. I'll start by saying that for the day, Patricia was a hottie, all 5'1" 2 hundy of her. By today's anorexic Hollywood standards, she could only be in a sitcom, or play a lawyer on television, but back then she was the cat's meow. Yah, you heard. Anyway, she was also known as somewhat of an intellectual and was not only sought after for her womanly curves, but her keen knowledge of physics and art history. As one story goes, she was sitting on a bench in Central Park waiting for a suitor when she heard a loud gunshot. That gunshot was the last thing she ever heard as the bullet was meant for her, and it found it's target. So, who killed Patricia Albacora? No one really knows, but some speculate that it was the very suitor that she was waiting for. A certain Mr. Starkist. Alas, the legend of Particia Albacora and her secret knowledge of what is really in that little can.
The End.

Scream

Today I woke up and thought about life and how I'm sick of everything in it, and so I decided to get in the bathtub and sit and sit and sit...and in silence I sat thinking, yet not thinking at all. Life is random, life is expected and scheduled, nothing matters...everything matters. I'm frustrated, I'm tired, I'm ready to sit on the edge of the Grand Fucking Canyon and yell at the top of my goddamn lungs...thats what I want to do about how wonderful it is to be alive.

this morning i woke up blind

i woke up this morning to utter blackness. "wtf" i thought, "what time is it?" i felt around and found my alarm clock, and felt the hands to see where they were pointing. 7 AM. "hmmmm....odd. perhaps it's an eclipse.." i thought to myself. then suddenly i realized what had happened. I had turned blind in the night. this has happened to me before, so i was prepared. i got out my cane, carefully felt through my closet for jeans and a tshirt, and set out for class. fortunately my OCD has given me the mental training to be able to drive the exact same route every day without the use of my eyes.....plus with my blindness i was able to park in the handicap spot.....leaving me with plenty of time to have a smoke and a coffee in the student lounge before class. yess....it is going to be a good day.