Pizza Duck To The Rescue

I worked at this pizza place one time and the guy who managed it was this gross, greasy and nasty italian guy who was always trying to get in my pants. One time, he got me in the walk in freezer and told me he'd give me a week off with pay and $100 if I let him do me right there on the piles of mozzarella, when suddenly we heard a "quack!!!" which distracted him for a second so I could run past, and as I did I ran smack into a man carrying a duck, standing out in the waiting room chairs looking at the menu board. No shit.

okay so

one time i was like walking through campus and the crazy rubber band man asked me for a dollar to buy coke and he meant like the cola but i thought he meant the good kind so i was like "COCAINE KILLED MY FATHER AND RAPED MY MOTHER" and he was like "holy mother maybe you should flick the rubber band, crazy lady" so i was like "aight" so he went to my class and i flicked the rubber band and rocked back and forth and hummed and people tossed money in my hat.

I Had So Much Fun!!!

Ooooo, this morning I went to the quick care with some awesome pains in my stomach and it was so fun and the circus came in and we played and I got calls from everyone who loves me with messages of support and love and I didn't even cry ONCE when the doctor told me what was going on in my body! Then I had a seance and called upon my dead grandmother who told me that she hid a million dollars in a silver bucket in the barn. Then I found the bucket and I bought myself a new Aston Martin and pretended to be a Bond girl for a minute and some guys on the strip saw me and told me I was hot in that car and I pulled my sunglasses down a tiny bit and said super sexily "yeah, well your mother smells like a goat hole" and they died.