Mt. Everest

Did I ever tell you guys about my expedition to Everest? Really? Well, here goes. About twenty years ago I was going out with this girl that was kinda hippy like, except that she shaved her legs. I mean, I'm a modern guy and all, but I can't handle furry legs on a chick. I'll be cool with a little growth when times are hectic and all, but I don't like waking up in the middle of the night thinking a guy climbed in bed with me. Scary! So, she was in this cult... uh, I mean club, that liked to hike and stuff. We used to go all over the High Sierras and look at trees and grass and dirt and stuff and it was cool, but she used to get a little cranky when we went camping because she would have to go for days without shaving her legs. Her stubble was the sharpest stubble I've ever felt and she would bitch and moan all night because her inner thighs were getting all sore from the tiny needles poking her all night. She couldn't even sleep with a sheet in between her legs because the stubble poked right through! Anyway, we were out one weekend checking out Sequoia National Park and the greatest idea in the world hit me like a logging truck. Tweezers! That's right folks, I would get out my magnifying glass and pull her legs hairs out one by one starting with the inner thighs and she was the happiest girl on earth. The end. Oh, wait, what was I going to talk about again?

Skiing Accident

Once i was in a skiing accident, and I had to wear a full body cast for like 2 months, and there i was in teh hospital bed, when in walks a hobo and he wasn't like one of those nice friendly schizophrenic hoboes either, he was like one of the scary freaky possibly-on-meth hoboes that picks over dead bodies for change, and anyways, he was all like "i'm takin your jello, kid" and i was like "heck no man i need that jello for hydration" and he was like "hydrate this!" and then he gulped down all my jello and ran out of the room laughing. : (