Monster Beast

So get this, I took my car into the shop to get fixed and this guy looked at it and said that he thought something was jammed up in the exhaust pipe and that he'd have to get in there and see, so um, I sat down and watched through the glass window in the lobby as he got on the ground and crap and then this freakin huge furry head came outof the exhaust pipe and bit him on the shoulder and I was totally trippin and crap so I started screaming "THERE'S A BEAST THERE'S A BEAST!" and the lame ass 16 year old receptionist was like "Huh? What beach? Pshh, no way dude, I'm totally from San Diego and this is Las Vegas lady, there isn't no beaches here in the desert, mmmkay?" and I was so distracted by her grammatical errors that I just forgot about the monster-beast and got in my car and drove it home cuz it totally sounded fine since the monster was out of my exhaust and now running loose and shit.

Sweater Weather

So, today I was riding my bike to work, when this bright orange pickup truck slows down and just stays right behind me. I could just see him out of the corner of my eye, but I didn't want to lose focus on the road so I didn't turn to look at him. I'm all "Go on!" waving my hands and shit like some crossing guard on crack, and he just kept there. Well, I was getting pissed so I just stopped. That fucker stopped right with me. Well, now I lose it and turn around ready to give him the hairy eyeball and just then noticed the hood on my orange sweatshirt. The end.